A Note on Miley Cyrus

As you can see, this is the latest from the hit web series ‘Epic Rap Battles of History,’ featuring a pretty badass Joan of the Arc versus a Southern-twang, apparently “lifted on that molly” Miley Cyrus. What could be the harm in that? Aside from the judgmental celebrity trash-talk (but that’s nothing new,) at face value, this video is nothing but a playful celebrity bash.

But what lies underneath these judging words? The battle, through lyrics such as Miley’s “You died a virgin girl, who you think you messing with?” and Joan’s “But I only get down on my knees when it’s time to pray”, a lot of these lyrics connote heavy slut shaming and assumptions that are just not okay.

Firstly, we know that everyone hates the ‘New Miley.’ The idea that women exist as more than “innocent little girls” is something that our society seems to freak out over every time it appears through pop culture. From Madonna to Lady Gaga, this view has been ever prevalent, even through the level of talent and individuality. And, to some extent, we do have to accept this view; while Miley undoubtedly has the right to wear what she wants and dance how she wants, we can question the caliber of the decision to do this on a family show. While the idea of ‘virginity’ and the values it holds itself can be considered demeaning, parents don’t necessarily want their children viewing this “slutty” behavior and we have to accept that. We can’t change these views just yet.

The assumptions, on the other hand, about Miley’s sex life need to be eradicated. “But she acts like a slut!” you’ll protest. Well, guess what? We live in the 21st century, where having a dress hemline above your knees is (shocker) socially acceptable, and what a girl wears does not let you make decisions about what she does after dark. This belief even goes so far as to contribute to rape culture, personified in slogans such as “Little black dress? Must mean yes.” Because of this, girls are “not allowed” to wear a pair of shorts, for fear of being considered ‘easy’ or ‘a slut’ or even ‘asking for it.’ What are we, animals?

In a nutshell, these views are borderline not okay and need to be eradicated. Who are you to assume anything about me because how I act or dress is deemed “inappropriate?” The assumptions, the ridicule, and the shaming need to stop.

Astigmatism: An Open Letter to Robin Thicke

Dear Mr. Thicke,

I think that Blurred Lines is a pretty cool song. I like to dance to it while threatening females. But in this letter, I hope to help you gain knowledge of some more viewpoints on the matter.

First of all, the very idea of blurred lines is pretty problematic. I’ve been training for some standardized tests recently, and I can only imagine what would happen in the geometry section if the lines blurred. I’d be rendered incapable of discerning various angles! Chaos.

And frankly, I find your mockery of the eye’s refractive errors distasteful. There are people out there who really suffer from astigmatism, and your song is hardly an anthem, I’m afraid. Perhaps some education could do us all good.

According to the American Optometric Society, astigmatism is a condition that causes blurred vision due to either the irregular shape of the cornea, or the curvature of the eye’s lens. many people suffer from this disorder, and the result can be the inability to discern a line’s beginning and ending. While you may have trouble telling whether or not a woman is made of a petroleum by-product, there are people who are rendered incapable of simple feats. I find your intolerance disgusting.

Though your song does not greatly discuss the matter, blurred lines raise an ethical issue. If a store clerk cannot correctly analyze the bar code on a for-sale item, they might price it wrong. This could be a loss of several dollars for the selling party. In my humble opinion, it is very important that these lines remain CLEAR and NOT BLURRED, so as to keep our society in check.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest for the world to see. Anyway, if perhaps in another song you addressed these concerns, you’d gain some PR with the visually challenged audience.

Cheers,

The Concerned

P.S. WTF was Miley Cyrus doing to you in the VMA’s??? Looked like unwanted sexual advances to me. How disgusting.